


Doubting Shadows

by Schnubbel166



Series: And so, the snake fell in love with the boy [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealousy, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schnubbel166/pseuds/Schnubbel166
Summary: Why does everyone get a Happy Ending, except for Yut Lung?Or: Yut Lung drinks and spews hurtful words at Sing the next morning.
Relationships: Lee Yut-Lung/Sing Soo-Ling
Series: And so, the snake fell in love with the boy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080506
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	Doubting Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)
> 
> This is the second part of "Caught in a dream". The two can be read seperately, but they do belong together.  
> I think the summary is pretty telling of what is going to happen in the story itself. Yut Lung's past and his abuse is mentioned briefly in the story. Just to give you a little heads-up.
> 
> There isn't much else I can tell you about the story without spoiling too much. So, I'd love to know your thoughts on the story and welcome your feedback. And without further ado, please enjoy the read. :)

The invitation to the wedding comes through mail. Like they all live normal lives now, as though they are regular civilians. It feels strange opening the envelope. As if he were a normal guest. The words on the thick paper are written in cursive lines.

_Eiji Okumura & Aslan Callenreese_

_Invite you to celebrate their marriage._

Yut Lung’s eyes fly over the words. To say that he is surprised would be a vast understatement. Almost a year has passed since they put down their weapons, since Ash and Eiji were able to spread their wings and leave New York behind. Not for good, but their presence has become less and less of a regular occurrence. And even if they are at relative peace right now, he fails to understand their wish that he should join the wedding celebrations. It’s not as if he ever gave them a reason to do so.

Irritation burns underneath his skin. Why would they want him there? To rub their luck into his face? The salt in his wounds. Part of him longs to talk to someone about it. Someone he anticipates the presence of, as reluctant as he is to admit it to himself.

Sing has become a fixture in his life. One he didn’t plan in. At least not like this. He hates feeling like this. Like he is once again at a loss of control. Because that is what he craves, what he needs to feel whole. Complete. He needs the control. Needs it to never be that helpless, terrified six-year-old again. Needs it to forget the countless hands his body already ran through and leave it soiled. Dirty.

But he is not in control when Sing laughs, so that his heart makes a jump and his cheeks heat up. He is not in control when Sing calls him out on his shit and tells him straightforward that he is behaving like a child. When he leaves Yut Lung behind and comes back all the time anyways. It drives him insane to not be in control, since it had always been a part he had to play, in order to survive. Especially since he’d been robbed of it more often than he could count. He swore to himself to never give up on control again.

And then he met Sing and gradually, he wove himself into Yut Lung’s life. As strange as it is, losing control over his heart is as thrilling as it is scary. It’s painful too, because he knows Sing will never reciprocate whatever it is Yut Lung is feeling.

He stares down at the card in his hands. This feels like losing control too. Getting an invitation to the wedding of the two people he threatened to kill on more than one occasion. There is another feeling other than irritation bubbling up inside of him. Something that has been burning inside of him ever since he saw Eiji and Ash interact for the very first time.

Why is it that Ash gets a happy ending? He and Eiji. Why do they get something so very precious? How do they deserve it? Yut Lung would like to believe that he deserves something like that too, but he doesn’t. Why would he deserve a happy ending?

Jealousy is a petty feeling and he longs to feel something other than that for once in his life. Would give everything to at last feel more than he does every day. Every morning he wakes up until he falls asleep in the darkness of his room.

It feels like he is running in circles. Trying to hunt something down. Something _different_. Even if he doesn’t know what _it_ is exactly.

Yut Lung tosses the card on the coffee table and fills a glass with amber liquid. Waits for Sing to come back to him. And he drinks one glasses too many and then he can’t find it in himself to stop. Time passes by quickly. Night bathes his room in cold colors. He blends into the shadows while he waits. And waits. The bottle empties and he feels the emptiness tugging at him, but the pull is dull and his vision is swimming.

He doesn’t notice falling asleep, but he wakes up to Sing entering the room and looking at him. With that look in his eyes. Pity, maybe. Or… disgust? Yut Lung doesn’t know and his head hurts. A quick look on a clock reveals that it’s already noon. His head is pounding, and he feels nauseous. But first and foremost, he is angry. Angry at Sing, the only person who can simply walk into his room. Uninvited. The only one Yut Lung lets in.

“Where have you been?” he snarls and his voice sounds hoarse, even to his own ears. His hair falls into his face. It’s probably a mess, judging by the way he was lying on the couch for the whole night. Sing furrows his brows. “Shorter needed me,” he answers curtly.

Yut Lung frowns. “Oh? He needed you? Well, I needed you here,” he shoots back, voice climbing in volume and pitch. Sing looks down at the empty bottle sitting next to the wedding invitation.

“Yeah, I can see that,” says Sing scathingly sarcastic. The tone makes Yut Lung bristle.

“I needed to talk to you, and you didn’t bother showing up. You didn’t bother telling me anything. You just didn’t show up!”

Sing’s frown deepens. “I have responsibilities.”

Before Yut Lung can stop the words, they leave him, “Since I don’t matter to you, you can leave! I don’t need you, and you don’t care about me, so it is more than convenient for the both of us. Don’t bother coming back! _I hate you!_ ”

The words leave back a crackling in the air, like lightning and they seem to suck all the oxygen out of the room. Sing’s eyes have widened. Yut Lung’s chest is heaving, and he feels the shock seep into his bones. Them fighting is nothing new. It’s their favorite pastime. Almost a challenge. But those words felt wrong, still do. He wants to take them back, every single syllable, but Yut Lung is too stubborn for his own good.

Without a word, Sing turns on his heel and leaves. Doesn’t turn back even once.

Yut Lung hurries into the bathroom and throws up soon after. He crawls into his bed and closes his eyes. When he wakes up this time, there is no Sing to be found. Part of him doesn’t even doubt that he won’t come back, because he always does. Yut Lung cries into his pillows and screams.

Sing doesn’t come back in the following days, nor in the weeks after that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, stay safe and have a wonderful day! <3


End file.
